Wear A Kilt, It’s Good For You!
Gentlemen you are in grave danger! and that danger is much closer than you think!
look down and you will see the culprit right there - no a little further - its your very own trousers!
Did you know how dangerous your trousers can be? The British Department of Trade and Industry determined that putting on trousers can pose a serious risk of injury because people lose their balance and topple over hurting themselves. Come on, weve all done it - you are in a hurry to get dressed in the morning, the alarm didn’t quite go off (or you didn’t hear it as you were far too deep in that really cool dream) You dive out of bed and grab your trousers (’pants’ to our American cousins) The first leg is simple and easily slips on halfway but then comes the critical moment… you stand on one leg, stork-like and attempt that second leg, you are now in the trousers grip and they are poised to strike! The yearly home accident report by the DTI estimates there were 4,400 trouser victims last year. Another 400 injured themselves putting on their underwear. (look out for the “When Underwear Attacks” programme no doubt coming to Fox soon!).
What can we do to combat this menace below the belt? how can we be safe from becoming just another trouser statistic?
Help is at hand and its something we Scots have know for a long time - Wearing a kilt is good for you. When you don a kilt both feet are planted firmly on the ground. Since the garment is wrapped around you and buckled at the side its incredibly safe to put on - in fact we have no evidence of anyone ever having injured themselves while putting on a kilt, 4,800 people a year saving themselves from injury if only that had worn a kilt! What happens to you after its on though is another matter!
OK I can hear you say - great so I’m not going to be hurt getting dressed but what happens when I hit the streets dressed like a woman? Well I can reassure you that a good kilt properly worn is not only safe - it’s quite a macho look! In recent years we have had Liam Neeson and Mel Gibson kilted on the silver screen and Vin Diesel at the MTV awards in Edinburgh. No one is going to turn around the them and accuse them of dressing like a woman. The Scottish Regiment the 51st Highland Division were lethal in their kilts; the last time they saw action while still wearing the kilt as part of their uniform was during the First World War. So fearsome was their reputation that the Germans referred to them as ‘The Ladies from Hell! In the early 1800s many Scottish regiments were billeted in England - they were such a hit with the ladies that the only danger they faced there was being lynched by a jealous local!
So dont worry about what other’s think - wear your kilt with pride and just think about all those poor trouser wearers falling over themselves to be as cool!